In Search of Aphrodite by Chelsea Wakefield

Author:Chelsea Wakefield [Wakefield, Chelsea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781138819269
Publisher: Taylor and Francis
Published: 2015-10-14T06:00:00+00:00

Dependence and the Balance of Power

Dependence shuts down a woman’s sexual voice (Hite, 1993; Stone, 1997). Although a woman may be well past her teenage years, any significant form of dependence, where she does not determine her own life, places a woman in the archetypal position of Daughter. Some women react to the sense of entrapped dependence by moving from Dependent Daughter into Rebel Daughter, but this is still Daughter, as it is in rebellion against, rather than a true “graduation” into luminous womanhood. To graduate, a woman must move beyond rebellion into Self-definition and Self-determination.

The balance of power in a relationship and the divisions of labor in the home are particularly treacherous areas for women who are seeking to become more empowered, and this relates directly to her sexuality. Although it is possible for a man and woman to decide consciously that he will be the Provider and she will be the Homemaker and Nurturer of Children, it will take a continuing conscious effort for her not to slide into the unconscious role of Daughter, dependent on the Parental Provider. This is because in our Western cultural we value competition and production over nurture and cooperation. Who gets the “final say” is often weighted towards the wage earner. Dependency inevitably leads to desexualization, because it leads to resentment and triggers an unconscious, but strongly felt, incest taboo (Pinkola Estés, 1992; Stone, 1997; Woodman, 1985; Young-Eisendrath, 1984, 1993).

There is an old saying that when a woman finds her voice in the boardroom she finds it in the bedroom. I have not found this to be true. However, I have found that when a woman finds her voice in the bedroom, she will find her voice in the living room, as well as the boardroom. It is fascinating to watch the shift in power that occurs when a woman begins to connect with her instinctual sexuality and discovers her sexual “voice.” Over the years, men have brought women into my clinical practice, because the woman lacks desire. As we begin to search for her inner flame, she begins to learn about what lights her up and pleases her. As she comes to life, her partner may get more than he bargained for, because full-blooded women begin to say what they want, in all areas of their lives.

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